don't forget me...

I know i will never see you again, but it doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about you, or missing you, or loving you. And I'm sorry~


I hope you're happy where you are, with a big big yard to run around in, bugs to chase down and eat, a pool to fall in, and the other babies to play with.


"Now don't forget me,
Please don't forget me.
Make it easy on me just for a little while.
You know I think about you,
I hope you'll think about me too."

Strange, the things we learn and where we learn them from.

An episode of Ture Blood Season 2 had something really meaningful. Now for all y'all who don't know what True Blood is, it's that vampire series on HBO where a telepathic waitress Sookie, who has a vampire, Bill, for a boyfriend, and whose brother, Jason, has shit in his skull where his brain should occupy.

So anyway Sookie and Jason lost their parents and the one who raised them up, affectionately known as Gran (short for Grandma -_-")

So now you're wondering what was that really meaningful thing that could come out of this whole fiasco??

We gotta grow up, look out for each other, and be nice to each other.
We learn to keep those we love close to us. Those who are dead and gone, we keep them alive in our hearts. Those that are alive, but gone anyway, we keep them alive in our thoughts. And those that we hope to see again, we never stop thinking about them.

With a new really really short 'do, and shitloads of CVs sent out, here's hoping the unemployed, aka yours truly, will be employed soon~

and p.s: I see you in my waking moments, and when I close my eyes. It never stops~

The way things work~

This is how the way things work. Not only between people, but everything else. Situations, places, etctec. Places that were there once could disappear the next. Situations can take a turn in the blink of an eye. And people can go from 1 extreme to the other.

It's all sunshine and joy, and then without warning, a shitstorm hits. People can say 1 thing and feel 1 thing this minute, and then the next, raining punches on you. They go about their business, surpressing their resentment that while they have to work so damn hard and go home late everynight, you just skip from day to day, doing the things they want to do, but can't. And when all the surpressed anger comes pouring out onto you, the only natural human way to react to that fire is to fight it with fire. I mean, c'mon, nobody's that much of a pussy to just keep taking it, right?? And when you do get a job that doesn't require you to work as hard as them, they'll resent you too. It goes like "good that you don't have to work as hard as me and have more free time" which naturally converts to a surpressent of resentment that they are still working as hard as they are.

IT'S A SIMPLE CASE OF "I HATE MY BOSS FOR GIVING ME SO MUCH WORK, SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT OUT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WORKING."

It gets better. So, when you react and fire back, you just fell into a trap which you know is there and have fallen in many times before. You shoot with all your ammo, which then gives them the oppotunity AND satisfaction of saying "NOW THE REAL YOU COMES OUT. THIS IS THE YOU THAT YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE", which entirely wipes out every good you have done, every thank you you have said, everytime you've been nice, OUT OF YOUR OWN GOOD NATURE. Now see, I've been trying to be nice, and I actually feel good being nice. But when you push me up the wall and the only way I can get untrapped is to fire back, it becomes "NOW THIS IS THE REAL YOU". Now do you see the trap?? U're being pushed to the point where the only things you say are not nice, and then they get the satisfactory "NOW THIS IS THE REAL YOU". OK... Hmm~ We all have a little blacknes in our hearts. Some are just better hidden than others. Nobody's the angel they claim to be.

It's only human nature to reciprocate niceness with niceness and meanness with meanness.

And no, I have no great song to describe how I feel, or what I feel, or what I think of you. I LOVE YOU. I ALWAYS HAVE. I ALWAYS WILL.

BUT TO YOU, L-O-V-E IS JUST ANOTHER WORD I NEVER LEARNT TO PRONOUCE AND UNDERSTAND.

There I was running around buying a special new T-shirt to go watch a special movie with a special someone at 11.45am in the morning.

To delete the "Hubz" from your name in my contact list just seems so final, so heartless, so cruel... And I could never bring myself to do it. But then, this probably seems phoney to you~

Contary to popular belief, I am not the unfeeling, selfish, heartless person that's been said about me. I have feelings too. You're just so aware of how much I've hurt you, that you dont realize how much you've hurt me when you unleash at me the way you did.

:)

I'm okay :)

The rain~

It's been raining everyday lately.

Perfect weather to breed mosquitoes and oversleep.

Great for clearing people off the sidewalk.

When it rains, I think of my dog,

How she quivers and shakes with her nose pointed at the window.

How cute, how innocent, and how frightened.

Did I ever say I'm allergic to dogs?

1st dog at 8, and to this day, still makes me itch.

Their saliva makes my lips itch and swell.

Still I kiss them on the nose and happily receive their licks.

Why? Because I love them~

A little itch is worth it for the affction.

And oh... The rain reminds me of you~ :-*

sometimes...

there are days when I wake up feeling like Whitney Houston - Until You Come Back
"I will not love again, until you come back, come back to my arms."

and then there are days when I wake up feeling like Rihanna - Rockstar 101
"got my middle finger up, I don't really give a fuck."

My hands...

I wake in the morning,
tired of sleeping.
Get in the shower,
And make my bed alone.

I put on my makeup,
talking to the mirror.
Ready for a new day,
without you...

And I walk steady on my feet,
I talk, my voice obeys me.
I go out at night,
sleep without the lights.

And I do all of the things I have to,
keeping you out my mind.
But when I think I'll be alright,
I AM ALWAYS WRONG 'CAUSE

My hands, they don't wanna start again.
My hands, no they don't wanna understand.
My hands, they just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find.

Your hands, they only to hold.
Your hands, no they don't wanna be without.
Your hands, they will not let me go,
No they will not let me go.

I talk about you now,
and go a day without crying.
I go out with my friends now,
Istay home all alone.

I don't see you everywhere,
and I can say your name easily.
I laugh abit louder without you

And I see different shades now,
I'm almost never afraid now.
But when I think I'll be OK,
I AM ALWAYS WRONG 'CAUSE

My hands, they don't wanna start again.
My hands, no they don't wanna understand.
My hands, they just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find.

Your hands, they only agree to hold.
Your hands, no they don't wanna be without.
Your hands, they will not let me go,
no they will not let me go.

Sometimes I wake and see them reaching out for you.
Quietly break whatever sheilds I spent so long building up.
I cannot fake, 'cause when they cry, I'm unspoken.
They miss holding my baby.

My hands, they don't wanna start again.
My hands, no they don't wanna understand.
My hands, they just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find.

Your hands, they only agree to hold.
Your hands, no they don't wanna be without.
Your hands, they will not let me go,
no they will not let me go.

Love you. Always have, always will. Forever and a day~ :*

Leona Lewis - My Hands