LOL~

Here I am, teaching a gurlfren of mine how to use the internet. It's hilarious, hahaha~ Not the teaching, or that she doesn't have the slightest clue what she's typing. It's me sitting here shaking my head and tsk tsk tsk-ing whenever she mistypes, or doesn't press Shift. And just like that, I'm suddenly viewed as some guru of the keyboard. This is fun~~

This thing about learning. Whether we're learning to type, or going through Life, or simply putting on a piece of complicatedly-designed fabric. We're constantly learning. 1 thing I've learnt recently, is that some people, like Yours Truly, have to learn things the hard way. Like making a fool out of myself and other people, before realising the seriousness of my actions, and the pure stupidity of my own doings. Smarter, less stubborn individuals could have avoided the situation, thus learning it the easy way. I had to go throw myself infront of a firing squad, get shot, just to learn mine. Funny eh??

Pages.

Until emotionally stable, enter no shops. Kinda like why this entry is so delayed~

Pages upon pages of my old handwritten journal I read today. Things that were, people that were, and places that were.

Reading them all over again made me blush and a little furious, with hints of giggles here and there. I'm letting it go, all of it. We'll never get to the future dwelling on the past, and today I made a mental note to ACTUALLY let it go. It was an entrapment of my own doing, and holding onto mistakes only makes you repeat them again. So I'm taking my lessons with me, and I'm putting 1 foot infront of the other, and I'm moving on to be a better, more grown up person who respects, and who loves.

I have seen so many people who allowed their pasts to mold their futures, repeating what they've done, just in different places and different times. I won't stand to be one of those. NOT ANYMORE. I won't allow my future to be a shadow of my past, because I am capable of so much more, and I have so much more to give.

To you, my love, I cannot be more sorry. I have blown more chances than anyone should ever get. I can only hope that in time you'll see, that I do want to make good of my word. You have shown me unconditional love, and it's been long long long overdued, but unconditional love you will receive.

blog held hostage. no postings for now~

Hold onto your pantiez~~

OK, entry coming up soon~~~ =P

Dental-phobia~

Nope, my teeth looks nothing like the one in the picture, and nope, the dentist I went to didn't look like the psycho in the picture waiting to carve out icons and pictures on my ivories.

I've developed dental phobia due to the fact that every single time I left the dentist's office as a kid, I leave in tears, or with blood coming out of my mouth. Some people, like a dear sister of mine I know, had to live with psychotic dental nurses who enjoy seeing little kids squirm and yelp in pain while she delightfully yankz the tooth out with pilers. That explains why the last time I visited the dentist was over 10years ago.

But yes, I was marched to the dentist by my significant other, and I found out that my irovies are in BAD BAD condition. The only good thing is, I have strong teeth, and strong foundation. But I also have 12 cavities that need to filled, and 4 wisdom teeth that need to be extracted because they're causing problems to my other pearlie whites. Having cavities filled means injections. Yours Truly, is deathly afraid of injections. I've heard more than enough scary experiences about how the needle goes into the gum where it hits the jaw and the nerve and all that shebang, so just imagine my face the day I went in to get it done. I was given valium, and heavy doses of nerve gas to prevent me from kicking around and punching the dentist~

The strange thing was, it didnt hurt. Well maybe just a little prick, and I do mean little. But after that I really couldn't feel much of anything, hahaha. I uttered tons of nonsense though, like Alicia Keys has a great voice, but her thighs are too fat. And that Christina Aguilera is a great singer, and her jugz got so big after she got pregnant. And loads of other bullshit like "can I have more gas please?" My lights were all obviously off. I couldn't remember how I got up and into the car, how I made it into the house, and onto the bed. Talk about memory loss. -_-"

All in all, it wasn't so bad. ;) I am such a melodrama~

When it all fallz apart~

It's true, I am the happiest I've ever been lately. What more can one ask for when there's Someone out there who would love you unconditionally, who would tell you that in his eyez, you can do no wrong??

The thing is, I've done wrong. I have been selfish & self-centrered, doing things I would never accept being done to myself by someone else.

I have done wrong. & I hope you'll have the heart to forgive me. I hope I have the heart to forgive myself.

I have seen the damage I can do, and the amount of hurt I can inflict of someone who wants nothing more than the best for me. I am sorry. I promise I will never lose myself to that kind of senseless manical wayz of mine again.

By The End Of Today~

“By the end of the day, what would you wish to happen?”

A clip on YouTube sparked my curiosity. Titled “50 different people, 1 same question”

Of course, among the answers - World Peace. That’s almost unthinkable, so screw it.

Some wished for their friends to be all in 1 place.
Some wished for their sons and daughters to come back to them.
A girl wished for someone close to her to be out of prison soon.
A teenage boy wanted some hot Australian supermodel (I cannot conjure up the name, so she’s not) to have the hots for him.
And the list goes on.

What would you wish for?

Me?

Hmm, I don’t know... It’s a tough one.
Part of me wants everybody to just enjoy life, enjoy living, and have a good time while at it.
Part of me wants to exterminate all whoever crossed me, whoever stood in my way, whoever stood me up, whoever let me down. But that would take out about ¾ of the World, so that ain’t feasible.

Maybe if I could turn back time, go back to then and there to fix something that could have affected my now and ever for the better.

BUT,
If given the chance to do something different, would you dare take it?? Would that affect only 1 aspect of the unforeseen, or unravel a whole host of possible futures?? What if things took a turn for the worse instead??

Like they say, if there wasn’t a night, would we appreciate the day??
If we don’t have nightmares, would we taste the sweetness of the sweetest dreams??
If we’re going to live forever, would anything ever matter??

I won’t deny that I don’t have regrets. It’s not something we can escape from. We’ve all been in situations whereby we were given the choice to do better, to do what’s right. So yes, I do have regrets. I have filed them away in a cabinet so high even I have trouble reaching it. These days I find myself going through that big old file, not wishing I could change it, but acknowledging that what’s done cannot be undone, and the best that can be done right now is to let it go, and lead a better life henceforth. I may have done terrible things, but it doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person. It’s like a haunting we never want to face because we’re too afraid of what we might see. I faced some of mine, and I’m not afraid anymore. I want to lead a better life. I choose to. =)

Someone once told me, the best we can do in life is to give our 150,000%, make the best out of everything, even unfavourable situations, and do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

I think maybe that’s what I’d wish for. To live and let live.