Forgiveness.

Introspectively, I fantasize about the forgivesness I know I will never be given.

Forgive:

• to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.


• to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).


• to grant pardon to (a person).


• to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
• to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

An old episode of Oprah strayed into the myriad of my thoughtz. More than a decade ago, Oprah interviewed a black girl on her show who was mutilated by a burglar who broke into her house when nobody was there. She ended up losing an eye, her collarbone shattered, several ribz broke, and her mid-section so badly battered that she has to spend the rest of her life peeing through a tube. The girl is alive today, and she appeared on Oprah's 10 yearz later, with a glass eyeball, liver transplant, and a peebag. So was the man who did it to her, the man who caused so much pain and unaccountable misery. And she did what I believe to be something none of us have the capacity to acomplish. She looked him in the eye (with that 1 working eye of hers) and said: I forgive you. No resentment, hatred, or even the slightest hint of anger. Just pure and simple forgiveness. There is absolutely no doubt that neither you nor I, or anyone else for that matter, will have that big a heart to forgive someone for an act so heinous and beasty, utterly unspeakable.

We're all human. We all have a conscience. That's how we differentiate between what's right and what's wrong. And it is imminent for us to make some blooperz (mistakez seem like such a cliche) in our livez. It is impossible for us not to get what we want or what we need, without landing something or someone in some other form on predicament. And it truly feelz delightful to be forgiven for our actz, for our hurtful wordz and actionz. Only we know the truthz that we salt away, only we know the extent of hurt we meant to inflict. What if somewhere deep inside ourselvez, we know we could never forgive ourselvez??? Because even if the battered girl forgave the man who deformed her, how can he ever forgive himself??

Forgiving one's self, along with loving one's self, are 2 of the easiest and hardest thingz we can ever do for ourselvez~

problemz~

We all have problemz. You, me, my dogz, my neighbourz, the homeless guy at the corner of my street. We all have problemz. The trick is how to deal with them in a calmly orderly fashion which I obviously don't have the slightest idea how. I left patience & calm back in my mother's womb when she gave birth to me, so most of the time, I juz go nuclear and wipe out everything in my path. It getz so bad that sometimez I forget people have their own canz of wormz, that they have feelingz too. It's only a matter of time before my own neurosis will have me hanging from the shower rod~ -_-

Alone~

I used to think that people who ate alone are sad. Nobody wantz to be their frenz, and they have nobody to run to, to show off their latest purchase at the craziest bargainz. I used to think, I will never be like that, that I would rather bash my head on a rock than to be seen in public alone.

Now, I befriended loneliness. Once in awhile, it feelz rather refreshing to go shopping alone, strolling down town walking into every shop with nobody telling you that it's a colossal waste of time, that the size I want is too small, that the colour or design is too outrageous. It pleasez me to know that I have something that doesn't blend in with what society seez me in. I couldn't care lesser. I stress, ONCE IN AWHILE.

Don't you juz adore the people who invented mp3 playerz? It's the best companion to have when you're out and about, spending time with yourself. Thankz to the music bleeding into my earz, I can hardly hear my own thoughtz. Kudoz to the iPod~~

Being alone... Sometimez, it's not that bad. I juz needed to figure it out on my own~ Everything and everybody around me seem to be moving at warp speed. The craziness not only took on a life of its own, but in all probability, has its own political system by now. Those people were not sad and lonely and caustic, they juz wanted some goddamn peace.

TA-DAH~!!

new year, new blog. ;) I juz figured since I've this much free time on my handz & all that space in my email and letterbox, I might as well do something constructive about it all. Like vent on an online blog, so people can come and gawk and realise I'm talking about them, HAHAHA~ =P