blog held hostage. no postings for now~

Hold onto your pantiez~~

OK, entry coming up soon~~~ =P

Dental-phobia~

Nope, my teeth looks nothing like the one in the picture, and nope, the dentist I went to didn't look like the psycho in the picture waiting to carve out icons and pictures on my ivories.

I've developed dental phobia due to the fact that every single time I left the dentist's office as a kid, I leave in tears, or with blood coming out of my mouth. Some people, like a dear sister of mine I know, had to live with psychotic dental nurses who enjoy seeing little kids squirm and yelp in pain while she delightfully yankz the tooth out with pilers. That explains why the last time I visited the dentist was over 10years ago.

But yes, I was marched to the dentist by my significant other, and I found out that my irovies are in BAD BAD condition. The only good thing is, I have strong teeth, and strong foundation. But I also have 12 cavities that need to filled, and 4 wisdom teeth that need to be extracted because they're causing problems to my other pearlie whites. Having cavities filled means injections. Yours Truly, is deathly afraid of injections. I've heard more than enough scary experiences about how the needle goes into the gum where it hits the jaw and the nerve and all that shebang, so just imagine my face the day I went in to get it done. I was given valium, and heavy doses of nerve gas to prevent me from kicking around and punching the dentist~

The strange thing was, it didnt hurt. Well maybe just a little prick, and I do mean little. But after that I really couldn't feel much of anything, hahaha. I uttered tons of nonsense though, like Alicia Keys has a great voice, but her thighs are too fat. And that Christina Aguilera is a great singer, and her jugz got so big after she got pregnant. And loads of other bullshit like "can I have more gas please?" My lights were all obviously off. I couldn't remember how I got up and into the car, how I made it into the house, and onto the bed. Talk about memory loss. -_-"

All in all, it wasn't so bad. ;) I am such a melodrama~

When it all fallz apart~

It's true, I am the happiest I've ever been lately. What more can one ask for when there's Someone out there who would love you unconditionally, who would tell you that in his eyez, you can do no wrong??

The thing is, I've done wrong. I have been selfish & self-centrered, doing things I would never accept being done to myself by someone else.

I have done wrong. & I hope you'll have the heart to forgive me. I hope I have the heart to forgive myself.

I have seen the damage I can do, and the amount of hurt I can inflict of someone who wants nothing more than the best for me. I am sorry. I promise I will never lose myself to that kind of senseless manical wayz of mine again.

By The End Of Today~

“By the end of the day, what would you wish to happen?”

A clip on YouTube sparked my curiosity. Titled “50 different people, 1 same question”

Of course, among the answers - World Peace. That’s almost unthinkable, so screw it.

Some wished for their friends to be all in 1 place.
Some wished for their sons and daughters to come back to them.
A girl wished for someone close to her to be out of prison soon.
A teenage boy wanted some hot Australian supermodel (I cannot conjure up the name, so she’s not) to have the hots for him.
And the list goes on.

What would you wish for?

Me?

Hmm, I don’t know... It’s a tough one.
Part of me wants everybody to just enjoy life, enjoy living, and have a good time while at it.
Part of me wants to exterminate all whoever crossed me, whoever stood in my way, whoever stood me up, whoever let me down. But that would take out about ¾ of the World, so that ain’t feasible.

Maybe if I could turn back time, go back to then and there to fix something that could have affected my now and ever for the better.

BUT,
If given the chance to do something different, would you dare take it?? Would that affect only 1 aspect of the unforeseen, or unravel a whole host of possible futures?? What if things took a turn for the worse instead??

Like they say, if there wasn’t a night, would we appreciate the day??
If we don’t have nightmares, would we taste the sweetness of the sweetest dreams??
If we’re going to live forever, would anything ever matter??

I won’t deny that I don’t have regrets. It’s not something we can escape from. We’ve all been in situations whereby we were given the choice to do better, to do what’s right. So yes, I do have regrets. I have filed them away in a cabinet so high even I have trouble reaching it. These days I find myself going through that big old file, not wishing I could change it, but acknowledging that what’s done cannot be undone, and the best that can be done right now is to let it go, and lead a better life henceforth. I may have done terrible things, but it doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person. It’s like a haunting we never want to face because we’re too afraid of what we might see. I faced some of mine, and I’m not afraid anymore. I want to lead a better life. I choose to. =)

Someone once told me, the best we can do in life is to give our 150,000%, make the best out of everything, even unfavourable situations, and do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

I think maybe that’s what I’d wish for. To live and let live.

After 3 Weekz~

Depressing. That's how my blog feelz like. I'm turning it around~

It's juz so hard to feel happy in the bleak winter here in Shanghai where people are crass and bulldoze their way around. It's too cold to go out, all I wanna do is snuggle with the poochez under the sheetz. And when I do make it out, I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea where to go. People here recgonise crossroadz. Like, OK~ The only placez I know are the gym, Parkson, and that little shop where I can buy fake DVDZ without any guilt. So I take happiness wherever I can find it here. Like the dogz, being with my significant other (who workz non-stop to ensure that we can have a future together, which I truly and greatly appreciate), chatting with the driver, dining at that absurdly beautiful Indonesian restaurant floating in the middle of a pond. Eating seafood in the middle of the night, and sugar-coated strawberriez along the streetz. A stroll along The Bund was magical. With the river, and the old buildingz, minus the people, it almost felt like I transited somewhere non-China. There is beauty here, there is joy. They're all juz hidden by the cloud of cold that winter bringz. Feelz nice for the 1st few dayz. After 3 weekz, uh-uh. I can't wait for spring and summer, to breathe the crisp air and see the cherry tree finally flowering. To feel whimsical, and tralala my way to the beach.

Mostly I juz I wanna go home.

A Wish + One

Be careful what you wish for. The other most used 6 wordz other than "he's just not that into you".

Wishez upon wishez we've wished for. We wish for the great, we wish for the unexpected. We wish for unworldly pocessionz, we wish for the unexpected. We wish for the good, we wish for the bad. What do we do when we get what we want??

You can move the World and change the tidez if you wish for it. You can bring anyone to their kneez and lift them up again if you wish for it. Turn time around, upside down, inside out~

You got what you wished for. Are you happy??