The List.

I've been making a list of things they don't teach you at school.

They don't teach you how to love somebody.

They don't teach you how to be famous.

They don't teach you how to be rich, or be poor.

They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.

They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.

They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.

They don't teach you anything worth knowing.

Sometimes I feel... Shit, I don't know. Hollow??Mostly when I don't feel what I ought to feel, inside.Empty. That's all. Just empty. - Quoted from The Sandman series.

Was reading it again, and decided to post the quotes that kinda impacted me in some ways~ =)

Bim - Stay In My Memory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsELXlALTak

After all this time, this song still tugs at my heartstrings. The animation is magical, and the song just laced with melancholia. The type you listen to on a rainy day (like today), when the sky is grey and the world seems leeched of all colours.

Enjoy~ =)

From the old pages~

Dreams. We all have dreams. We dream of big fancy houses, beautiful cars, endless days of joy, or simply to be the one we love. We all dream, in desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.

We were all born wet, naked, and hungry. And then things just got worse. We grew up.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a gayboy scorned.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got, and 50% what people THINK you've got. - Sophia Loren.

If I took all my clothes off, I wouldn't be sexy anymore. I'd just be naked. Sex appeal is about keeping something back. - J.Lo.

The greatest pleasure that one person can offer another is carnal pleasure. - Coco Chanel.

Without the truth, we're just animals.

Yes, the truth will set you free. But 1st it will piss you off.

Actors look like normal people, sometimes even better. But deep down, there is no deep down. - Shirley MacLaine in that movie where Nicole Kidman played a ditzy witch.

Hope is that thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

In the moment of high, we were infinite. We were Gods, we were unstoppable. We were anyone we wanted to be, we could do anything. We believed whole-heartedly. I'd like to think that in that moment, we were truly happy. =)

Time is
Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice.
But for those who love,
Time is not - Henry Van Dyke.

Nobody's really creepy from the inside. Some of them are sad, and some of them hurt, and some of them think they're the only real thing in the whole world. But they're not creepy. - Death, the comic series.

If you're going to be human, then there are a whole load of things that come with it. Eyes, a heart, days and life. It's the moments that illuminate it tough, the times you don't see when you're having them... They make the rest of it matter. - Death, the comic series.

But

I hate raindrops on my head.
I hate being visually impaired.
I hate falling sick.
I hate cafes and coffeeplaces having so limited smoking tables.
I hate the prices of cigarettes.
I hate that my younger dog chews up everything.
I hate queueing at the ATMs.
I hate the gym when it's crowded.
I hate the dark.
I hate being afraid of the dark.
I hate people who rush into lifts before I can even get out.
I hate being lost.
I hate self-doubt.
I hate that nobody's ever home anymore.
I hate being scared.
I hate when my internet doesn't work.
I hate that the volume buttons on my laptop are a little faulty.
I hate not being able to go crazy when I want.
I hate being bitter.
I hate not getting my way.
I hate pimples.
I hate rashes and hives.
I hate allergies.
I hate injections.
I hate the neighbour who plays the damn piano every Sunday morning at 9am.
I hate waking up.
I hate waking up in tears.
I hate bad dreams.
I hate being late (which is almost everytime).
I hate the flowers dying.
I hate having to rush around.
I hate being stubborn.
I hate when I feel helpless.
I hate myself.
But

LOL~

Here I am, teaching a gurlfren of mine how to use the internet. It's hilarious, hahaha~ Not the teaching, or that she doesn't have the slightest clue what she's typing. It's me sitting here shaking my head and tsk tsk tsk-ing whenever she mistypes, or doesn't press Shift. And just like that, I'm suddenly viewed as some guru of the keyboard. This is fun~~

This thing about learning. Whether we're learning to type, or going through Life, or simply putting on a piece of complicatedly-designed fabric. We're constantly learning. 1 thing I've learnt recently, is that some people, like Yours Truly, have to learn things the hard way. Like making a fool out of myself and other people, before realising the seriousness of my actions, and the pure stupidity of my own doings. Smarter, less stubborn individuals could have avoided the situation, thus learning it the easy way. I had to go throw myself infront of a firing squad, get shot, just to learn mine. Funny eh??

Pages.

Until emotionally stable, enter no shops. Kinda like why this entry is so delayed~

Pages upon pages of my old handwritten journal I read today. Things that were, people that were, and places that were.

Reading them all over again made me blush and a little furious, with hints of giggles here and there. I'm letting it go, all of it. We'll never get to the future dwelling on the past, and today I made a mental note to ACTUALLY let it go. It was an entrapment of my own doing, and holding onto mistakes only makes you repeat them again. So I'm taking my lessons with me, and I'm putting 1 foot infront of the other, and I'm moving on to be a better, more grown up person who respects, and who loves.

I have seen so many people who allowed their pasts to mold their futures, repeating what they've done, just in different places and different times. I won't stand to be one of those. NOT ANYMORE. I won't allow my future to be a shadow of my past, because I am capable of so much more, and I have so much more to give.

To you, my love, I cannot be more sorry. I have blown more chances than anyone should ever get. I can only hope that in time you'll see, that I do want to make good of my word. You have shown me unconditional love, and it's been long long long overdued, but unconditional love you will receive.

blog held hostage. no postings for now~

Hold onto your pantiez~~

OK, entry coming up soon~~~ =P

Dental-phobia~

Nope, my teeth looks nothing like the one in the picture, and nope, the dentist I went to didn't look like the psycho in the picture waiting to carve out icons and pictures on my ivories.

I've developed dental phobia due to the fact that every single time I left the dentist's office as a kid, I leave in tears, or with blood coming out of my mouth. Some people, like a dear sister of mine I know, had to live with psychotic dental nurses who enjoy seeing little kids squirm and yelp in pain while she delightfully yankz the tooth out with pilers. That explains why the last time I visited the dentist was over 10years ago.

But yes, I was marched to the dentist by my significant other, and I found out that my irovies are in BAD BAD condition. The only good thing is, I have strong teeth, and strong foundation. But I also have 12 cavities that need to filled, and 4 wisdom teeth that need to be extracted because they're causing problems to my other pearlie whites. Having cavities filled means injections. Yours Truly, is deathly afraid of injections. I've heard more than enough scary experiences about how the needle goes into the gum where it hits the jaw and the nerve and all that shebang, so just imagine my face the day I went in to get it done. I was given valium, and heavy doses of nerve gas to prevent me from kicking around and punching the dentist~

The strange thing was, it didnt hurt. Well maybe just a little prick, and I do mean little. But after that I really couldn't feel much of anything, hahaha. I uttered tons of nonsense though, like Alicia Keys has a great voice, but her thighs are too fat. And that Christina Aguilera is a great singer, and her jugz got so big after she got pregnant. And loads of other bullshit like "can I have more gas please?" My lights were all obviously off. I couldn't remember how I got up and into the car, how I made it into the house, and onto the bed. Talk about memory loss. -_-"

All in all, it wasn't so bad. ;) I am such a melodrama~

When it all fallz apart~

It's true, I am the happiest I've ever been lately. What more can one ask for when there's Someone out there who would love you unconditionally, who would tell you that in his eyez, you can do no wrong??

The thing is, I've done wrong. I have been selfish & self-centrered, doing things I would never accept being done to myself by someone else.

I have done wrong. & I hope you'll have the heart to forgive me. I hope I have the heart to forgive myself.

I have seen the damage I can do, and the amount of hurt I can inflict of someone who wants nothing more than the best for me. I am sorry. I promise I will never lose myself to that kind of senseless manical wayz of mine again.