By The End Of Today~

“By the end of the day, what would you wish to happen?”

A clip on YouTube sparked my curiosity. Titled “50 different people, 1 same question”

Of course, among the answers - World Peace. That’s almost unthinkable, so screw it.

Some wished for their friends to be all in 1 place.
Some wished for their sons and daughters to come back to them.
A girl wished for someone close to her to be out of prison soon.
A teenage boy wanted some hot Australian supermodel (I cannot conjure up the name, so she’s not) to have the hots for him.
And the list goes on.

What would you wish for?

Me?

Hmm, I don’t know... It’s a tough one.
Part of me wants everybody to just enjoy life, enjoy living, and have a good time while at it.
Part of me wants to exterminate all whoever crossed me, whoever stood in my way, whoever stood me up, whoever let me down. But that would take out about ¾ of the World, so that ain’t feasible.

Maybe if I could turn back time, go back to then and there to fix something that could have affected my now and ever for the better.

BUT,
If given the chance to do something different, would you dare take it?? Would that affect only 1 aspect of the unforeseen, or unravel a whole host of possible futures?? What if things took a turn for the worse instead??

Like they say, if there wasn’t a night, would we appreciate the day??
If we don’t have nightmares, would we taste the sweetness of the sweetest dreams??
If we’re going to live forever, would anything ever matter??

I won’t deny that I don’t have regrets. It’s not something we can escape from. We’ve all been in situations whereby we were given the choice to do better, to do what’s right. So yes, I do have regrets. I have filed them away in a cabinet so high even I have trouble reaching it. These days I find myself going through that big old file, not wishing I could change it, but acknowledging that what’s done cannot be undone, and the best that can be done right now is to let it go, and lead a better life henceforth. I may have done terrible things, but it doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person. It’s like a haunting we never want to face because we’re too afraid of what we might see. I faced some of mine, and I’m not afraid anymore. I want to lead a better life. I choose to. =)

Someone once told me, the best we can do in life is to give our 150,000%, make the best out of everything, even unfavourable situations, and do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

I think maybe that’s what I’d wish for. To live and let live.

After 3 Weekz~

Depressing. That's how my blog feelz like. I'm turning it around~

It's juz so hard to feel happy in the bleak winter here in Shanghai where people are crass and bulldoze their way around. It's too cold to go out, all I wanna do is snuggle with the poochez under the sheetz. And when I do make it out, I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea where to go. People here recgonise crossroadz. Like, OK~ The only placez I know are the gym, Parkson, and that little shop where I can buy fake DVDZ without any guilt. So I take happiness wherever I can find it here. Like the dogz, being with my significant other (who workz non-stop to ensure that we can have a future together, which I truly and greatly appreciate), chatting with the driver, dining at that absurdly beautiful Indonesian restaurant floating in the middle of a pond. Eating seafood in the middle of the night, and sugar-coated strawberriez along the streetz. A stroll along The Bund was magical. With the river, and the old buildingz, minus the people, it almost felt like I transited somewhere non-China. There is beauty here, there is joy. They're all juz hidden by the cloud of cold that winter bringz. Feelz nice for the 1st few dayz. After 3 weekz, uh-uh. I can't wait for spring and summer, to breathe the crisp air and see the cherry tree finally flowering. To feel whimsical, and tralala my way to the beach.

Mostly I juz I wanna go home.

A Wish + One

Be careful what you wish for. The other most used 6 wordz other than "he's just not that into you".

Wishez upon wishez we've wished for. We wish for the great, we wish for the unexpected. We wish for unworldly pocessionz, we wish for the unexpected. We wish for the good, we wish for the bad. What do we do when we get what we want??

You can move the World and change the tidez if you wish for it. You can bring anyone to their kneez and lift them up again if you wish for it. Turn time around, upside down, inside out~

You got what you wished for. Are you happy??

On The Way...

The driver drove at a blinding speed across the road which was bumpier than my cousin's face, and I didn't have my seatbelt on. The winter air whistling through the wound-down window sounded mournful, like something deep in the earth shook, and nobody could feel it. Dangling a ciggerette outside, the voice of Anna Nalick bleeding through my earphones, singing Wreck Of The Day. It was such a surrealistic moment, so indescribably sullen.

...And then he came walking out of the Arrivals, and everything was OK again~

On The Side Of Me~

one of the uplifting songz I love~ =)

Corrine May - On The Side Of Me

I'm not the easiest person to love,
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved.
Yet you choose to be on the side of me,
on the side of me.
Yet you choose to be on the side of me,
on the side of me.

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life.
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide.
Yet you choose to be,
on the side of me, on the side of me.
Blessed Charity, you're on the side of me,
on the side of me.

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold,
when it's cold outside and there's no place to go.
Everyone needs a friend to hold,
all alone I cried, there was no place to go.
I remember when nobody cared but you.

I'm not the easiest person to love,
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth.
'Cause you choose to be on the side of me,on the side of me.
What a mystery, you're on the side of me, on the side of me.

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold,
when it's cold outside and there's no place to go.
Everyone needs a friend to hold,
all alone I cried there was no place to go.
I remember when nobody cared, I remember when nobody cared.
Nobody cared but you
Yeah you choose to be on the side of me, on the side of me.

Forgiveness.

Introspectively, I fantasize about the forgivesness I know I will never be given.

Forgive:

• to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.


• to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).


• to grant pardon to (a person).


• to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
• to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

An old episode of Oprah strayed into the myriad of my thoughtz. More than a decade ago, Oprah interviewed a black girl on her show who was mutilated by a burglar who broke into her house when nobody was there. She ended up losing an eye, her collarbone shattered, several ribz broke, and her mid-section so badly battered that she has to spend the rest of her life peeing through a tube. The girl is alive today, and she appeared on Oprah's 10 yearz later, with a glass eyeball, liver transplant, and a peebag. So was the man who did it to her, the man who caused so much pain and unaccountable misery. And she did what I believe to be something none of us have the capacity to acomplish. She looked him in the eye (with that 1 working eye of hers) and said: I forgive you. No resentment, hatred, or even the slightest hint of anger. Just pure and simple forgiveness. There is absolutely no doubt that neither you nor I, or anyone else for that matter, will have that big a heart to forgive someone for an act so heinous and beasty, utterly unspeakable.

We're all human. We all have a conscience. That's how we differentiate between what's right and what's wrong. And it is imminent for us to make some blooperz (mistakez seem like such a cliche) in our livez. It is impossible for us not to get what we want or what we need, without landing something or someone in some other form on predicament. And it truly feelz delightful to be forgiven for our actz, for our hurtful wordz and actionz. Only we know the truthz that we salt away, only we know the extent of hurt we meant to inflict. What if somewhere deep inside ourselvez, we know we could never forgive ourselvez??? Because even if the battered girl forgave the man who deformed her, how can he ever forgive himself??

Forgiving one's self, along with loving one's self, are 2 of the easiest and hardest thingz we can ever do for ourselvez~

problemz~

We all have problemz. You, me, my dogz, my neighbourz, the homeless guy at the corner of my street. We all have problemz. The trick is how to deal with them in a calmly orderly fashion which I obviously don't have the slightest idea how. I left patience & calm back in my mother's womb when she gave birth to me, so most of the time, I juz go nuclear and wipe out everything in my path. It getz so bad that sometimez I forget people have their own canz of wormz, that they have feelingz too. It's only a matter of time before my own neurosis will have me hanging from the shower rod~ -_-

Alone~

I used to think that people who ate alone are sad. Nobody wantz to be their frenz, and they have nobody to run to, to show off their latest purchase at the craziest bargainz. I used to think, I will never be like that, that I would rather bash my head on a rock than to be seen in public alone.

Now, I befriended loneliness. Once in awhile, it feelz rather refreshing to go shopping alone, strolling down town walking into every shop with nobody telling you that it's a colossal waste of time, that the size I want is too small, that the colour or design is too outrageous. It pleasez me to know that I have something that doesn't blend in with what society seez me in. I couldn't care lesser. I stress, ONCE IN AWHILE.

Don't you juz adore the people who invented mp3 playerz? It's the best companion to have when you're out and about, spending time with yourself. Thankz to the music bleeding into my earz, I can hardly hear my own thoughtz. Kudoz to the iPod~~

Being alone... Sometimez, it's not that bad. I juz needed to figure it out on my own~ Everything and everybody around me seem to be moving at warp speed. The craziness not only took on a life of its own, but in all probability, has its own political system by now. Those people were not sad and lonely and caustic, they juz wanted some goddamn peace.

TA-DAH~!!

new year, new blog. ;) I juz figured since I've this much free time on my handz & all that space in my email and letterbox, I might as well do something constructive about it all. Like vent on an online blog, so people can come and gawk and realise I'm talking about them, HAHAHA~ =P