insert witty tagline

don't forget me...

2010-07-13T01:06:00.008+08:00

I know i will never see you again, but it doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about you, or missing you, or loving you. And I'm sorry~

I hope you're happy where you are, with a big big yard to run around in, bugs to chase down and eat, a pool to fall in, and the other babies to play with.

"Now don't forget me,
Please don't forget me.
Make it easy on me just for a little while.
You know I think about you,
I hope you'll think about me too."

Strange, the things we learn and where we learn them from.

2010-07-04T22:01:00.007+08:00

An episode of Ture Blood Season 2 had something really meaningful. Now for all y'all who don't know what True Blood is, it's that vampire series on HBO where a telepathic waitress Sookie, who has a vampire, Bill, for a boyfriend, and whose brother, Jason, has shit in his skull where his brain should occupy.

So anyway Sookie and Jason lost their parents and the one who raised them up, affectionately known as Gran (short for Grandma -_-")

So now you're wondering what was that really meaningful thing that could come out of this whole fiasco??

We gotta grow up, look out for each other, and be nice to each other.
We learn to keep those we love close to us. Those who are dead and gone, we keep them alive in our hearts. Those that are alive, but gone anyway, we keep them alive in our thoughts. And those that we hope to see again, we never stop thinking about them.

With a new really really short 'do, and shitloads of CVs sent out, here's hoping the unemployed, aka yours truly, will be employed soon~

and p.s: I see you in my waking moments, and when I close my eyes. It never stops~

The way things work~

2010-06-12T20:51:00.007+08:00

This is how the way things work. Not only between people, but everything else. Situations, places, etctec. Places that were there once could disappear the next. Situations can take a turn in the blink of an eye. And people can go from 1 extreme to the other.

It's all sunshine and joy, and then without warning, a shitstorm hits. People can say 1 thing and feel 1 thing this minute, and then the next, raining punches on you. They go about their business, surpressing their resentment that while they have to work so damn hard and go home late everynight, you just skip from day to day, doing the things they want to do, but can't. And when all the surpressed anger comes pouring out onto you, the only natural human way to react to that fire is to fight it with fire. I mean, c'mon, nobody's that much of a pussy to just keep taking it, right?? And when you do get a job that doesn't require you to work as hard as them, they'll resent you too. It goes like "good that you don't have to work as hard as me and have more free time" which naturally converts to a surpressent of resentment that they are still working as hard as they are.

IT'S A SIMPLE CASE OF "I HATE MY BOSS FOR GIVING ME SO MUCH WORK, SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT OUT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WORKING."

It gets better. So, when you react and fire back, you just fell into a trap which you know is there and have fallen in many times before. You shoot with all your ammo, which then gives them the oppotunity AND satisfaction of saying "NOW THE REAL YOU COMES OUT. THIS IS THE YOU THAT YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE", which entirely wipes out every good you have done, every thank you you have said, everytime you've been nice, OUT OF YOUR OWN GOOD NATURE. Now see, I've been trying to be nice, and I actually feel good being nice. But when you push me up the wall and the only way I can get untrapped is to fire back, it becomes "NOW THIS IS THE REAL YOU". Now do you see the trap?? U're being pushed to the point where the only things you say are not nice, and then they get the satisfactory "NOW THIS IS THE REAL YOU". OK... Hmm~ We all have a little blacknes in our hearts. Some are just better hidden than others. Nobody's the angel they claim to be.

It's only human nature to reciprocate niceness with niceness and meanness with meanness.

And no, I have no great song to describe how I feel, or what I feel, or what I think of you. I LOVE YOU. I ALWAYS HAVE. I ALWAYS WILL.

BUT TO YOU, L-O-V-E IS JUST ANOTHER WORD I NEVER LEARNT TO PRONOUCE AND UNDERSTAND.

There I was running around buying a special new T-shirt to go watch a special movie with a special someone at 11.45am in the morning.

To delete the "Hubz" from your name in my contact list just seems so final, so heartless, so cruel... And I could never bring myself to do it. But then, this probably seems phoney to you~

Contary to popular belief, I am not the unfeeling, selfish, heartless person that's been said about me. I have feelings too. You're just so aware of how much I've hurt you, that you dont realize how much you've hurt me when you unleash at me the way you did.

:)

2010-05-25T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm okay :)

The rain~

2010-04-28T15:55:00.005+08:00

It's been raining everyday lately.

Perfect weather to breed mosquitoes and oversleep.

Great for clearing people off the sidewalk.

When it rains, I think of my dog,

How she quivers and shakes with her nose pointed at the window.

How cute, how innocent, and how frightened.

Did I ever say I'm allergic to dogs?

1st dog at 8, and to this day, still makes me itch.

Their saliva makes my lips itch and swell.

Still I kiss them on the nose and happily receive their licks.

Why? Because I love them~

A little itch is worth it for the affction.

And oh... The rain reminds me of you~ :-*

sometimes...

2010-03-31T15:13:00.002+08:00

there are days when I wake up feeling like Whitney Houston - Until You Come Back
"I will not love again, until you come back, come back to my arms."

and then there are days when I wake up feeling like Rihanna - Rockstar 101
"got my middle finger up, I don't really give a fuck."

My hands...

2010-02-28T15:28:00.005+08:00

I wake in the morning,
tired of sleeping.
Get in the shower,
And make my bed alone.

I put on my makeup,
talking to the mirror.
Ready for a new day,
without you...

And I walk steady on my feet,
I talk, my voice obeys me.
I go out at night,
sleep without the lights.

And I do all of the things I have to,
keeping you out my mind.
But when I think I'll be alright,
I AM ALWAYS WRONG 'CAUSE

My hands, they don't wanna start again.
My hands, no they don't wanna understand.
My hands, they just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find.

Your hands, they only to hold.
Your hands, no they don't wanna be without.
Your hands, they will not let me go,
No they will not let me go.

I talk about you now,
and go a day without crying.
I go out with my friends now,
Istay home all alone.

I don't see you everywhere,
and I can say your name easily.
I laugh abit louder without you

And I see different shades now,
I'm almost never afraid now.
But when I think I'll be OK,
I AM ALWAYS WRONG 'CAUSE

My hands, they don't wanna start again.
My hands, no they don't wanna understand.
My hands, they just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find.

Your hands, they only agree to hold.
Your hands, no they don't wanna be without.
Your hands, they will not let me go,
no they will not let me go.

Sometimes I wake and see them reaching out for you.
Quietly break whatever sheilds I spent so long building up.
I cannot fake, 'cause when they cry, I'm unspoken.
They miss holding my baby.

My hands, they don't wanna start again.
My hands, no they don't wanna understand.
My hands, they just shake and try to break whatever peace I may find.

Your hands, they only agree to hold.
Your hands, no they don't wanna be without.
Your hands, they will not let me go,
no they will not let me go.

Love you. Always have, always will. Forever and a day~ :*

Leona Lewis - My Hands

Where do broken hearts go??

2010-02-05T20:39:00.003+08:00

Where do broken hearts go??
Can they find their way home??
Back to the open arms of a love that's waiting there.

And if somebody loves you,
Won't they always love you??
I look in your eyes and I know that you still care for me.

round and round we go...

2010-01-17T15:32:00.002+08:00

after so many rounds, it's finally ending.
we are getting off the merry-go-round.
the funny thing is... we didn't have to.

I was the one who jammed the engine~

Sssshh~

2009-11-15T22:07:00.001+08:00

Haven't you heard??
If you ain't got nothing nice to say, SHUT UP.

In the bubble~

2009-10-23T16:10:00.004+08:00

There is a boy in the bubble~
The very young tiny boy, who doesn't want to grow up.
The boy stays there, waiting for the day to come when the bubble pops.
The boy, being only a flicker of light, stays in the bubble, doing battle against the darkness.

Saggitarius

2009-10-16T10:45:00.003+08:00

This sign governs the thighs of the Grand Man, or Microcosm. It is a masculine, diurnal, eastern, double-bodied, speaking, choleric, dual, fortunate sign of the Zodiac, the negative pole of the Fire Triplicity, governing the thighs, hips, and the motor nerve system. The higher attributes are love and introspection.

The Sun enters the sign Sagittarius on or about the 22d of November, and departs from it on or about the 21st of December of each year. The Sun, just entering the sign, should be given six days before coming into full touch and action with the influence of the sign.

Therefore a person born between the dates of the 22d and 28th of November would not receive the full central results of the sign's individuality, as he would be born when the Sun was on the edge of the sign.

This is known as the Cusp, and its nature and impulses partake of the sign the Sun has just passed through and out from, and the native will also partake of the attributes of the sign of the Zodiac in which the Moon is located at the time of birth.

The people born under this sign usually aim well and hit the mark in all matters. Because of this characteristic they are prophetic, and can tell the outcome of almost any enterprise from its inception.

They rarely make mistakes when they follow their own inspirations, but are sure to be led astray if they rely upon the advice of others. Sagittarius people are born busy, and keep busy under all circumstances.

They are distinguished for minding their own business and keeping their own secrets. They do not trouble their neighbors' affairs, but are exceedingly active in their own. They always want to finish one thing before they begin another, and are as remarkable for their carefulness in detail as are the Aries people for carelessness or inability.

These people are enterprising, progressive, and far-seeing, always courageous in an emergency, but frequently timid and afraid when there is no need for action or quick thought. An emergency is an inspiration. They are neat and orderly, and very careful in money matters, saving, but not penurious.

It is seldom that you find a Sagittarius man or woman without money. Their talents are varied, and they can earn a dollar while others are deploring the need of one.

The women are fine housekeepers, excellent wives, and usually judicious mothers. They have a great love for children and animals. This is also a musical sign, and an occult sign, as those under its influence naturally turn to the spiritual side of life and make the most useful teachers.

These people see things entirely different from the rest of humanity. Belonging to the realm of prophecy, they are also naturally clairvoyant and clairaudient. They hear words and see visions that the world knows not of. Their minds reach out far beyond the present, and so it comes to pass that a Sagittarius person is often accused of fabrication.

These people always mean to tell the truth. All Sagittarius people are of one thought and one idea at a time. More than one thing on their minds at the same time distresses them.
They are very decided in everything they do. They frequently jump at conclusions before properly weighing by calm reasons the full consequences and difficulties, but being very hopeful, they often overcome very great obstacles.

They are quick to foresee events, even to small things; are very apt to speak out their own conclusions and feel sure they are right, and hence often make enemies, for people do not usually wish to be told the truth in plain words.

Almost all of these people are very blunt and outspoken for what they feel is true, but right and truth wrong no man. There is a power about them that makes their words strike home, even though the persons addressed are unwilling to admit their correctness. When these words are entirely free from anger and resentment, they compel attention and often reformation; but the impetuosity of those born under this sign is very apt to dim or spoil the effect of the truth.

Sagittarius people are very apt to be misunderstood. They see so clearly, think so quickly, and because of this natural intuition are so sure of being correct, that they very often strike squarely against the opinions and prejudices of those about them. This leads to discussion, unrest, and perhaps serious quarrels.

They cannot bear to see suffering. The first impulse is to relieve it, and they spare neither time, money, nor strength in this work. This labor is always one of the heart, but strange to say it is usually repaid with ingratitude. Their generosity and goodness are constantly taken advantage of. This is the cause of great sorrow and bitterness, and wounds so deeply as to almost paralyze all effort and all desire to be of use.

PERSONAL APPEARANCE
These people have very expressive eyes, and are fine looking; they have jovial dispositions and are fearless and daring when doing duty, or living upon a principle. The silent ones are usually quite tall and slender. The active ones are more robust and are very graceful, being swift in all their movements

COMPANIONS
These people will find their best friends among Aries, Sagittarius, Aquarius, and Libra people.

WOW~ lolz

http://zodiacsign.mrgoodman.com/

What do you see...??

2009-09-23T13:38:00.005+08:00

What do you see when you close your eyes?? Pitch black?? Or little funny shaped germs floating on your cornea?? (& then you wonder, are these the stuff that Stevie Wonder's dreams are made of??) Or do you see little white dots zooming around, trying frantically to catch each other, telling you things that were, things that are, and things that have come to pass. Do you see your wildest dreams, your deepest fears??

Me?? I see sparkles~

A lesson I learnt from my dear sweet Rob, never assume.
"ASSUME" made and "ASS" of "U" and & "ME".

And I did mentioned in an old blog entry, assumption is the mother of all fuckups~ ;)

Most Days~

2009-07-21T10:25:00.003+08:00

Most days I think: I'm an adult. I can do this.

Somedays I think: no, I cannot do this.

And just the very slighest sometimes, I think: I don't want to do this.

Is this a new game we're playing??

Gone Too Soon.

2009-07-13T15:24:00.005+08:00

In light of the death of Michael Jackson. Though not a super-crazy-crash-my-car-upon-hearing-his-death kinda fan, the World did lose someone of an unwordly status.

Like a comet, blazing 'cross the evening sky, gone too soon.
Like a rainbow, fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.
Shiny and sparkly, and splendidly bright, here one day, gone one night.
Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon, gone too soon.
Like a castle, built upon a sandy beach, gone too soon.
Like a perfect flower, that is just beyond your reach, gone too soon.
Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight, here one day, gone one night.
Like a sunset, dying with the rising of the moon, gone too soon.

Gone too soon. R.I.P. M.J.

And yes I do know that posting an entry about the death of Michael Jackson at this point of time makes me look like the last person on earth who just found out.

And this is totally unrelated, but when was the last time anyone heard of "social-climber"?!?!?

I Feel Like Dying.

2009-07-10T19:14:00.003+08:00

Life never happens as it is on film. Nobody says "I'm dying." and then fall down dead the next moment. That would seem too flawless in real life. No transition, no suffering. Just 2 simple words: I'm dying, and then BOOM! (faints, lying on the floor with blood gushing out) dead. It never happens that way, though many of us wish it. I'm dying, goodbye. As if, lolz~

The soundtrack for Transformers: Rise Of The Fallen, is simply wonderous. The Fray, Green Day, Theory Of A Deadman. Very very lovely. Good songs.

Been watching alot of movies lately. Old movies. La Vie En Rose, French Kiss, Moulin Rouge, 27 Dresses. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? When will happiness commence? When will our sins and mistakes be forgotten?

Pooches~

2009-07-04T18:05:00.003+08:00

Life is so much easier if we were all just born dogs. We wait to be fed, and then we wait to be walked, and then we wait for snacks, or we wait any morsel that falls off the table at dinner, then we wait for bedtime when all the lights are out and everybody goes to bed. We wake up, and the whole process repeats itself. Wouldn't it be lovely~

No worries about money. No stress over exams. No doubts about anyone. Just eat to live, and live to eat.

Order In Chaos~

2009-06-28T15:19:00.006+08:00

There is order in chaos~ =)

Am I dreaming??

2009-05-27T11:46:00.004+08:00

"Then the guns rang 1 last shot, and it felt like a bullet through her heart"

Carrie Underwood - Just A Dream

Tell me that this is just a dream~

Nobody knows~

2009-05-15T10:27:00.002+08:00

Nobody knows~

When she smiled~

2009-05-13T10:41:00.003+08:00

She stood infront of me at the elavator, just minding her own business, then she caught my eye looking right at her. And she smiled. She smiled a smile so warm. I smiled back, and at the back of my mind, made a wish that I wished I could help her in some way. Lingering in my head was the thought that we get so blinded by other things, we forget what really counts. I chided myself for allowing that to happen, for being so blindsighted~

"We are mysterious creatures, aren't we?? And at the end, so much of it turn out not to matter." - Meryl Streep in the movie, Evening.

What the...??

2009-05-09T23:42:00.002+08:00

Do y'all realize how disney cartoons can be a little barbarous??

Bambi's mum took a slug to her chest, Dumbo's mum got locked up and was deemed mad, and what about all those scary witches and wizards running amok in the rest of the other cartoons?? Poison fruits, boys turned into donkeys, girls enslaved to be maids, drugged princesses in towers guarded by dragons, etcetc~

The things you realize when you're actually not thinking about it, hahaha~

Strange, isn't it?? ;)

The haunting~

2009-05-07T09:43:00.002+08:00

A frangipani tree in the patio won't have the need to attract unwanted spirits to the house. The house itself is already haunted. By the past, bad experiences, and little secrets that we think we might still be habouring. So who do you call? GHOSTBUSTERS~~ hahaha =P

We do what we do for other spirits. We acknowledge it, and then we set it free. =)

Yet another day.

2009-04-28T09:58:00.002+08:00

When the biggest problem at that time was wondering I get to eat ice-cream for breakfast~ These days I'm the oldest in my class. Youngest of the 3 oldest, but still in the oldest tickbox. Class has been OK so far. After all, when 9 of the loudest and most outspoken people in a class of 63 get together into 1 group, learning becomes a little more fun and easy to deal with.

Some days it's so easy to live, some days it really isn't. I guess it depends on the weather. And maybe it's something in the water~

I'm naked,
I'm numb.
I'm stupid,
I'm staying.
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'.
Lights black, heads bang, you're my drug, we live it.
You're drunk, you need it, real love, I'll give it.
So we're bound to linger on.
We drink the fatal drop,
Then love until we bleed,
And fall apart in parts.

This is for you, & you, & you, & me~ =)

2009-04-13T23:41:00.003+08:00

People might think watching TV and movies are a complete waste of precious time, but I do learn things I never thought I would from a screen.

This is for all of y'all who's ever made mistakes and fell into pits so deep only a fireman without a collarbone can save you. This is for me~

No matter what happens, no matter what life throws in our direction, we must learn to trust, have faith, and forgive.

Are you good enough??

2009-04-10T22:29:00.004+08:00

We find ourselves looking in the mirror and asking that question. Sometimes over and over again. Sure it's nice when people in our lives tell us that everyday, that we are God's gifts to mankind, and humanity is so much brighter now due to our existence. Yes, it's lovely to wake up to that somebody everyday and have them telling you how happy they are to open their eyes and the 1st thing they see is you. But we cannot have our cake and eat it too. Isn't waking up everyday a blessing in itself?? And must it always be that "somebody", to tell you and validate what and who you are? What about everybody else around you who cares and is actually concern for your welbeing?? What about us??

When Nico buried her husband, and when asked where is her family, she turned to her 2 bestest frens and said: "you're it". That's the kinda friendship I feel that I have with a dear dear fren of mine, whereby we can say anything to each other, get angry, fuck each other up on SMS, and still laugh at each other at the end of the day. So it really baffles me that my dear dear fren questions herself after falling into a trap set by some man. Sweetheart, let me tell you something.

YOU, are God's gift to me, and to the people around you who you have made a difference to. YOU, my love, don't need a man telling you that you are special and unique.

YOU, my dear, don't ever ever ever have to ask if you are good enough.

YOU ARE. You are good enough, and more than that.

And if you ever doubt that, look at the mirror, and look at the Xmas present, my gift to you.

And the truth of the matter is, no matter how much you fuck yourself , how many shrinks you decide to see, and how many people you talk to, it will never change the fact that HE fucked up.

Love you!! :D

Wash the day off me~

2009-03-31T23:06:00.003+08:00

24hours in a day sometimes just doesn't seem enough. And occasionally it seems neverending. This is me, after entering the door, sitting here infront of my brother's computer (because McAfee is fucking up my laptop) with a ton of things to babbler about, but my brain just doesn't want to work anymore. Lesson learnt today: never take bus 65 home from town. It would probably cause premature death.

On another note: the paint job at the new house is almost done and it's beautiful. Tempting teal was a really good choice for an accent colour! And my bag blends in flawlessly~ When all the furniture is in place, it's going to be a piece of Heaven right in the heart of town. Ooooh, my new add: Heaven in Town~ :P

Hairspray is my best friend. I use 2 cans of hairspray in 1 1/2 weeks. It holds me up for the entire day, and with a little scrubbing, everything comes off! Granted that I may be the one solely responsible for the hole in the ozone layer, or that the amount of hairspray I've used in my lifespan has left me with a mental disorder, but when all else fails, I have a great hairdo to fall back on. Who else can say as much? ;)

I don't aim to impress, neither am I up to be impressed.

"It is sometimes a mistake to climb, it is always a mistake never even to make the attempt. If you do not climb, you will not fall: this is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?? Sometimes you wake, and yes, sometimes you die. But sometimes there is a third alternative.
Sometimes you wake up, sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes when you fall, you fly."

I would love to end this with a witty one-liner, but they're all stuck in my laptop at this point of time, and besides, the walk to my room after this long long (but rewarding) day is gonna take my last breath, and to think of a new one right now will leave me mentally retard. Next time~ ;)

In the dark...

2009-03-25T12:07:00.002+08:00

My toilet has been in the dark for the past 2 days now, and I cannot shower in the kitchen any longer because any mis-step in that teeny tiny toilet will prove fatal. I have absolutely no idea how to change a light bulb, and my brother is too freakin' lazy to get a new one. He's in charge of the technical stuff around the house, btw ;)

Light up the dark~~~

and as I promised, Yan~~~~
http://herbalife-raaz.jimdo.com/ - I'm helping a fren to promote this website for healthy lifestyle and weight loss products. Do check it out~~

Wake up call~

2009-03-11T22:47:00.001+08:00

Just yesterday (10/03/09) in the evening, a fren was talking about her colleague being in the hopsital with a failed kidney and lung, and had to be hooked onto a life support since Feb. And just today in the afternoon while I was in the gym, she was at his funeral. Anyone else needs a wake up call??

What do you know for sure??

2009-03-09T12:15:00.004+08:00

I know that life is short, and that nothing is certain, and by the same note, somethings are certain. We go through this rollercoaster, and we have our own ways of learning, our own beliefs, and our own fallbacks. We write our own rules, and have our own expectations. I believe it's what most of us can count on, ourselves. Not what someone said, not what some actor/actress quoted. This is life, and it's started. =)

My mum once said, no matter if it's 6ft down or 8ft, or a mile, you dig your own grave. Nobody can do it for you, and you cannot do it for someone else. No matter how much you dodge, or how hard you try, or what you decide to do with your remains, you're gonna end up dead someday. So live. No matter how low you fall, live. Because it's the moments that take your breath away, the people that illuminate your life, that makes it worth living for. We do what we can, when we can. And if we can't, we can't, and nobody can fault us for that. We give, but shouldn't expect anything in return, as Shakespeare once said: Expectation is the root of all heartaches. And as a dear fren of mine once so artfully stated: Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.

Everybody goes on and on about how the next moment you might not be alive; you could get hit by a cab, or struck by lightning, or eaten by your dog/cat/hamster/fish. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes talking about it seem ridiculous. So, stop lying to yourself. Denial is a very good coping mechanism indeed, but it feels you empty on the inside. Do what you really want to do, and say what you really mean. This goes out to you, my dear fren. The pain can only cut as far as you want it to. Even when it seems like things are spiraling out of control, you can still get a grip on it. Granted that it takes a whole helluva lot of strength and courage to, but would you rather have see yourself living in misery and telling yourself lies that IT'S OK. We only get 1 shot. Make the best of it. The very next moment means the previous one has passed, and you cannot get it back. Make each one count. Or die trying~

So much to say, so little time. But you'll get the gist of it~ ;)

Look what I found?!?!

2009-03-06T21:21:00.005+08:00

This is something that I found somewhere online, quite some time ago, and really loved. I think it was personally written, or personally stolen, I don't know. No judgement. I just love it~ ;)

How many times must the world revolve,

Before someone makes a stop in your life?

How many pieces does the jigsaw puzzle have,

To put together a portrait of your shattered heart?

How many hourglasses have been overturned,

Before broken lovers become completely familiar strangers?

How many bottomless pits must we stumble on,

For us to make a stand on our relationships?

How many voice messages must one leave,

For two to have a chat of a thousand and one nights?

How many rosy shells does it take,

To fit the whole world of a sky?

How many paper cranes must be folded,

To build a bridge for you and I?

How many sleepless nights must one spend,

To never see the light of day?

How many cans of pain will it take,

To cover up the Lovers Mural that we both created?

How many stars does it take to fit my universe,

Before I become part of your world?

How many?

But who's counting really?

Ass luck~

2009-03-05T22:03:00.002+08:00

I am terrified of jaywalking. It's one of the few bad things I'm bad at, not because I'm blind, or that I'm not capable of running on tippytoes. I have climbed into buildings and houses and things yo mama told you not to do. But jaywalking?!?! I just have bad judgement of distance, hence my lateness. Couple that with ass luck and you have the perfect recipe to get hit by a car while crossing the road illegally. Most people jaywalk like it's breathing, effortless. Most people can tell a car's too near, or too fast to avoid, and when to take the 1st step onto the road. Me? With my bad bad estimation and murphy's luck, I would aim and walk into the nearest oncoming car. Please, for the love of me, don't make me jaywalk ok?? They invented traffic lights and crossings for a reason~~~~~~

Ignorance is bliss, no??

2009-03-04T20:39:00.004+08:00

A conversation between a dear dear fren and my sweet sweet Robert stuck in my head, even though at that very moment I was in a "lights on, nobody's home" situation. The world would be a better place if we were all just a little bit retarded. Given the choice, what would you prefer?? To be blissfully unaware of everything, or to gather happiness from knowing and higher thinking?? I would choose the former in a heartbeat. Ignorance is bliss. BUT, I wasn't born to be a simpleton. I dissect things in my head, compartmentalize everything, and put them in little nooks and crannies. And every once in awhile, when nobody's looking, I peep into those little closets of thoughts. It ain't healthy. You know how things get mouldy and eeky when kept in cupboards for too long? I'm airing my head now, LOL. Spring-cleaning is taking place in the library that houses all your thoughts, all my thoughts, and all the thoughts we never knew we had. And yes, I think alot. I think too much, and it's my blessing, and my misery. And there is a dark side that my mind tends to lean towards, but these days... I'm seeing things in a new light. Life's too short to be stumbling around in darkness. The darkness brings about a sense of comfort that nobody can see you, and nobody knows you, and you can be anyone you want to be. You spend your time alone in the dark. But it is much easier to find your way around when there's light. You don't have to bump yourself to learn a lesson. No more bruises, 'coz we all know blueblacks ain't pretty.

And yes, I am the happiest that I have ever been :)

The List.

2009-02-27T11:45:00.002+08:00

I've been making a list of things they don't teach you at school.

They don't teach you how to love somebody.

They don't teach you how to be famous.

They don't teach you how to be rich, or be poor.

They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.

They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.

They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.

They don't teach you anything worth knowing.

Sometimes I feel... Shit, I don't know. Hollow??Mostly when I don't feel what I ought to feel, inside.Empty. That's all. Just empty. - Quoted from The Sandman series.

Was reading it again, and decided to post the quotes that kinda impacted me in some ways~ =)

Bim - Stay In My Memory.

2009-02-26T16:10:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsELXlALTak

After all this time, this song still tugs at my heartstrings. The animation is magical, and the song just laced with melancholia. The type you listen to on a rainy day (like today), when the sky is grey and the world seems leeched of all colours.

Enjoy~ =)

From the old pages~

2009-02-25T12:25:00.003+08:00

Dreams. We all have dreams. We dream of big fancy houses, beautiful cars, endless days of joy, or simply to be the one we love. We all dream, in desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.

We were all born wet, naked, and hungry. And then things just got worse. We grew up.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a gayboy scorned.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got, and 50% what people THINK you've got. - Sophia Loren.

If I took all my clothes off, I wouldn't be sexy anymore. I'd just be naked. Sex appeal is about keeping something back. - J.Lo.

The greatest pleasure that one person can offer another is carnal pleasure. - Coco Chanel.

Without the truth, we're just animals.

Yes, the truth will set you free. But 1st it will piss you off.

Actors look like normal people, sometimes even better. But deep down, there is no deep down. - Shirley MacLaine in that movie where Nicole Kidman played a ditzy witch.

Hope is that thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

In the moment of high, we were infinite. We were Gods, we were unstoppable. We were anyone we wanted to be, we could do anything. We believed whole-heartedly. I'd like to think that in that moment, we were truly happy. =)

Time is
Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice.
But for those who love,
Time is not - Henry Van Dyke.

Nobody's really creepy from the inside. Some of them are sad, and some of them hurt, and some of them think they're the only real thing in the whole world. But they're not creepy. - Death, the comic series.

If you're going to be human, then there are a whole load of things that come with it. Eyes, a heart, days and life. It's the moments that illuminate it tough, the times you don't see when you're having them... They make the rest of it matter. - Death, the comic series.

But

2009-02-24T00:51:00.004+08:00

I hate raindrops on my head.
I hate being visually impaired.
I hate falling sick.
I hate cafes and coffeeplaces having so limited smoking tables.
I hate the prices of cigarettes.
I hate that my younger dog chews up everything.
I hate queueing at the ATMs.
I hate the gym when it's crowded.
I hate the dark.
I hate being afraid of the dark.
I hate people who rush into lifts before I can even get out.
I hate being lost.
I hate self-doubt.
I hate that nobody's ever home anymore.
I hate being scared.
I hate when my internet doesn't work.
I hate that the volume buttons on my laptop are a little faulty.
I hate not being able to go crazy when I want.
I hate being bitter.
I hate not getting my way.
I hate pimples.
I hate rashes and hives.
I hate allergies.
I hate injections.
I hate the neighbour who plays the damn piano every Sunday morning at 9am.
I hate waking up.
I hate waking up in tears.
I hate bad dreams.
I hate being late (which is almost everytime).
I hate the flowers dying.
I hate having to rush around.
I hate being stubborn.
I hate when I feel helpless.
I hate myself.
But

LOL~

2009-02-23T18:08:00.002+08:00

Here I am, teaching a gurlfren of mine how to use the internet. It's hilarious, hahaha~ Not the teaching, or that she doesn't have the slightest clue what she's typing. It's me sitting here shaking my head and tsk tsk tsk-ing whenever she mistypes, or doesn't press Shift. And just like that, I'm suddenly viewed as some guru of the keyboard. This is fun~~

This thing about learning. Whether we're learning to type, or going through Life, or simply putting on a piece of complicatedly-designed fabric. We're constantly learning. 1 thing I've learnt recently, is that some people, like Yours Truly, have to learn things the hard way. Like making a fool out of myself and other people, before realising the seriousness of my actions, and the pure stupidity of my own doings. Smarter, less stubborn individuals could have avoided the situation, thus learning it the easy way. I had to go throw myself infront of a firing squad, get shot, just to learn mine. Funny eh??

Pages.

2009-02-21T21:14:00.003+08:00

Until emotionally stable, enter no shops. Kinda like why this entry is so delayed~

Pages upon pages of my old handwritten journal I read today. Things that were, people that were, and places that were.

Reading them all over again made me blush and a little furious, with hints of giggles here and there. I'm letting it go, all of it. We'll never get to the future dwelling on the past, and today I made a mental note to ACTUALLY let it go. It was an entrapment of my own doing, and holding onto mistakes only makes you repeat them again. So I'm taking my lessons with me, and I'm putting 1 foot infront of the other, and I'm moving on to be a better, more grown up person who respects, and who loves.

I have seen so many people who allowed their pasts to mold their futures, repeating what they've done, just in different places and different times. I won't stand to be one of those. NOT ANYMORE. I won't allow my future to be a shadow of my past, because I am capable of so much more, and I have so much more to give.

To you, my love, I cannot be more sorry. I have blown more chances than anyone should ever get. I can only hope that in time you'll see, that I do want to make good of my word. You have shown me unconditional love, and it's been long long long overdued, but unconditional love you will receive.

2009-02-17T13:06:00.001+08:00

blog held hostage. no postings for now~

Hold onto your pantiez~~

2009-02-12T12:12:00.000+08:00

OK, entry coming up soon~~~ =P

Dental-phobia~

2009-02-07T16:38:00.003+08:00

Nope, my teeth looks nothing like the one in the picture, and nope, the dentist I went to didn't look like the psycho in the picture waiting to carve out icons and pictures on my ivories.

I've developed dental phobia due to the fact that every single time I left the dentist's office as a kid, I leave in tears, or with blood coming out of my mouth. Some people, like a dear sister of mine I know, had to live with psychotic dental nurses who enjoy seeing little kids squirm and yelp in pain while she delightfully yankz the tooth out with pilers. That explains why the last time I visited the dentist was over 10years ago.

But yes, I was marched to the dentist by my significant other, and I found out that my irovies are in BAD BAD condition. The only good thing is, I have strong teeth, and strong foundation. But I also have 12 cavities that need to filled, and 4 wisdom teeth that need to be extracted because they're causing problems to my other pearlie whites. Having cavities filled means injections. Yours Truly, is deathly afraid of injections. I've heard more than enough scary experiences about how the needle goes into the gum where it hits the jaw and the nerve and all that shebang, so just imagine my face the day I went in to get it done. I was given valium, and heavy doses of nerve gas to prevent me from kicking around and punching the dentist~

The strange thing was, it didnt hurt. Well maybe just a little prick, and I do mean little. But after that I really couldn't feel much of anything, hahaha. I uttered tons of nonsense though, like Alicia Keys has a great voice, but her thighs are too fat. And that Christina Aguilera is a great singer, and her jugz got so big after she got pregnant. And loads of other bullshit like "can I have more gas please?" My lights were all obviously off. I couldn't remember how I got up and into the car, how I made it into the house, and onto the bed. Talk about memory loss. -_-"

All in all, it wasn't so bad. ;) I am such a melodrama~

When it all fallz apart~

2009-02-07T10:48:00.002+08:00

It's true, I am the happiest I've ever been lately. What more can one ask for when there's Someone out there who would love you unconditionally, who would tell you that in his eyez, you can do no wrong??

The thing is, I've done wrong. I have been selfish & self-centrered, doing things I would never accept being done to myself by someone else.

I have done wrong. & I hope you'll have the heart to forgive me. I hope I have the heart to forgive myself.

I have seen the damage I can do, and the amount of hurt I can inflict of someone who wants nothing more than the best for me. I am sorry. I promise I will never lose myself to that kind of senseless manical wayz of mine again.

By The End Of Today~

2009-01-30T14:37:00.001+08:00

“By the end of the day, what would you wish to happen?”

A clip on YouTube sparked my curiosity. Titled “50 different people, 1 same question”

Of course, among the answers - World Peace. That’s almost unthinkable, so screw it.

Some wished for their friends to be all in 1 place.
Some wished for their sons and daughters to come back to them.
A girl wished for someone close to her to be out of prison soon.
A teenage boy wanted some hot Australian supermodel (I cannot conjure up the name, so she’s not) to have the hots for him.
And the list goes on.

What would you wish for?

Me?

Hmm, I don’t know... It’s a tough one.
Part of me wants everybody to just enjoy life, enjoy living, and have a good time while at it.
Part of me wants to exterminate all whoever crossed me, whoever stood in my way, whoever stood me up, whoever let me down. But that would take out about ¾ of the World, so that ain’t feasible.

Maybe if I could turn back time, go back to then and there to fix something that could have affected my now and ever for the better.

BUT,
If given the chance to do something different, would you dare take it?? Would that affect only 1 aspect of the unforeseen, or unravel a whole host of possible futures?? What if things took a turn for the worse instead??

Like they say, if there wasn’t a night, would we appreciate the day??
If we don’t have nightmares, would we taste the sweetness of the sweetest dreams??
If we’re going to live forever, would anything ever matter??

I won’t deny that I don’t have regrets. It’s not something we can escape from. We’ve all been in situations whereby we were given the choice to do better, to do what’s right. So yes, I do have regrets. I have filed them away in a cabinet so high even I have trouble reaching it. These days I find myself going through that big old file, not wishing I could change it, but acknowledging that what’s done cannot be undone, and the best that can be done right now is to let it go, and lead a better life henceforth. I may have done terrible things, but it doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person. It’s like a haunting we never want to face because we’re too afraid of what we might see. I faced some of mine, and I’m not afraid anymore. I want to lead a better life. I choose to. =)

Someone once told me, the best we can do in life is to give our 150,000%, make the best out of everything, even unfavourable situations, and do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

I think maybe that’s what I’d wish for. To live and let live.

After 3 Weekz~

2009-01-23T16:26:00.004+08:00

Depressing. That's how my blog feelz like. I'm turning it around~

It's juz so hard to feel happy in the bleak winter here in Shanghai where people are crass and bulldoze their way around. It's too cold to go out, all I wanna do is snuggle with the poochez under the sheetz. And when I do make it out, I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea where to go. People here recgonise crossroadz. Like, OK~ The only placez I know are the gym, Parkson, and that little shop where I can buy fake DVDZ without any guilt. So I take happiness wherever I can find it here. Like the dogz, being with my significant other (who workz non-stop to ensure that we can have a future together, which I truly and greatly appreciate), chatting with the driver, dining at that absurdly beautiful Indonesian restaurant floating in the middle of a pond. Eating seafood in the middle of the night, and sugar-coated strawberriez along the streetz. A stroll along The Bund was magical. With the river, and the old buildingz, minus the people, it almost felt like I transited somewhere non-China. There is beauty here, there is joy. They're all juz hidden by the cloud of cold that winter bringz. Feelz nice for the 1st few dayz. After 3 weekz, uh-uh. I can't wait for spring and summer, to breathe the crisp air and see the cherry tree finally flowering. To feel whimsical, and tralala my way to the beach.

Mostly I juz I wanna go home.

A Wish + One

2009-01-23T01:01:00.003+08:00

Be careful what you wish for. The other most used 6 wordz other than "he's just not that into you".

Wishez upon wishez we've wished for. We wish for the great, we wish for the unexpected. We wish for unworldly pocessionz, we wish for the unexpected. We wish for the good, we wish for the bad. What do we do when we get what we want??

You can move the World and change the tidez if you wish for it. You can bring anyone to their kneez and lift them up again if you wish for it. Turn time around, upside down, inside out~

You got what you wished for. Are you happy??

On The Way...

2009-01-22T23:36:00.001+08:00

The driver drove at a blinding speed across the road which was bumpier than my cousin's face, and I didn't have my seatbelt on. The winter air whistling through the wound-down window sounded mournful, like something deep in the earth shook, and nobody could feel it. Dangling a ciggerette outside, the voice of Anna Nalick bleeding through my earphones, singing Wreck Of The Day. It was such a surrealistic moment, so indescribably sullen.

...And then he came walking out of the Arrivals, and everything was OK again~

On The Side Of Me~

2009-01-22T13:01:00.001+08:00

one of the uplifting songz I love~ =)

Corrine May - On The Side Of Me

I'm not the easiest person to love,
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved.
Yet you choose to be on the side of me,
on the side of me.
Yet you choose to be on the side of me,
on the side of me.

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life.
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide.
Yet you choose to be,
on the side of me, on the side of me.
Blessed Charity, you're on the side of me,
on the side of me.

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold,
when it's cold outside and there's no place to go.
Everyone needs a friend to hold,
all alone I cried, there was no place to go.
I remember when nobody cared but you.

I'm not the easiest person to love,
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth.
'Cause you choose to be on the side of me,on the side of me.
What a mystery, you're on the side of me, on the side of me.

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold,
when it's cold outside and there's no place to go.
Everyone needs a friend to hold,
all alone I cried there was no place to go.
I remember when nobody cared, I remember when nobody cared.
Nobody cared but you
Yeah you choose to be on the side of me, on the side of me.

Forgiveness.

2009-01-20T14:37:00.002+08:00

Introspectively, I fantasize about the forgivesness I know I will never be given.

Forgive:

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

to grant pardon to (a person).

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

An old episode of Oprah strayed into the myriad of my thoughtz. More than a decade ago, Oprah interviewed a black girl on her show who was mutilated by a burglar who broke into her house when nobody was there. She ended up losing an eye, her collarbone shattered, several ribz broke, and her mid-section so badly battered that she has to spend the rest of her life peeing through a tube. The girl is alive today, and she appeared on Oprah's 10 yearz later, with a glass eyeball, liver transplant, and a peebag. So was the man who did it to her, the man who caused so much pain and unaccountable misery. And she did what I believe to be something none of us have the capacity to acomplish. She looked him in the eye (with that 1 working eye of hers) and said: I forgive you. No resentment, hatred, or even the slightest hint of anger. Just pure and simple forgiveness. There is absolutely no doubt that neither you nor I, or anyone else for that matter, will have that big a heart to forgive someone for an act so heinous and beasty, utterly unspeakable.

We're all human. We all have a conscience. That's how we differentiate between what's right and what's wrong. And it is imminent for us to make some blooperz (mistakez seem like such a cliche) in our livez. It is impossible for us not to get what we want or what we need, without landing something or someone in some other form on predicament. And it truly feelz delightful to be forgiven for our actz, for our hurtful wordz and actionz. Only we know the truthz that we salt away, only we know the extent of hurt we meant to inflict. What if somewhere deep inside ourselvez, we know we could never forgive ourselvez??? Because even if the battered girl forgave the man who deformed her, how can he ever forgive himself??

Forgiving one's self, along with loving one's self, are 2 of the easiest and hardest thingz we can ever do for ourselvez~

problemz~

2009-01-19T14:04:00.000+08:00

We all have problemz. You, me, my dogz, my neighbourz, the homeless guy at the corner of my street. We all have problemz. The trick is how to deal with them in a calmly orderly fashion which I obviously don't have the slightest idea how. I left patience & calm back in my mother's womb when she gave birth to me, so most of the time, I juz go nuclear and wipe out everything in my path. It getz so bad that sometimez I forget people have their own canz of wormz, that they have feelingz too. It's only a matter of time before my own neurosis will have me hanging from the shower rod~ -_-

Alone~

2009-01-16T19:47:00.000+08:00

I used to think that people who ate alone are sad. Nobody wantz to be their frenz, and they have nobody to run to, to show off their latest purchase at the craziest bargainz. I used to think, I will never be like that, that I would rather bash my head on a rock than to be seen in public alone.

Now, I befriended loneliness. Once in awhile, it feelz rather refreshing to go shopping alone, strolling down town walking into every shop with nobody telling you that it's a colossal waste of time, that the size I want is too small, that the colour or design is too outrageous. It pleasez me to know that I have something that doesn't blend in with what society seez me in. I couldn't care lesser. I stress, ONCE IN AWHILE.

Don't you juz adore the people who invented mp3 playerz? It's the best companion to have when you're out and about, spending time with yourself. Thankz to the music bleeding into my earz, I can hardly hear my own thoughtz. Kudoz to the iPod~~

Being alone... Sometimez, it's not that bad. I juz needed to figure it out on my own~ Everything and everybody around me seem to be moving at warp speed. The craziness not only took on a life of its own, but in all probability, has its own political system by now. Those people were not sad and lonely and caustic, they juz wanted some goddamn peace.

TA-DAH~!!

2009-01-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

new year, new blog. ;) I juz figured since I've this much free time on my handz & all that space in my email and letterbox, I might as well do something constructive about it all. Like vent on an online blog, so people can come and gawk and realise I'm talking about them, HAHAHA~ =P

*insert witty tagline*

don't forget me...

Strange, the things we learn and where we learn them from.

The way things work~

:)

The rain~

sometimes...

My hands...

Where do broken hearts go??

round and round we go...

Sssshh~

In the bubble~

Saggitarius

What do you see...??

Most Days~

Gone Too Soon.

I Feel Like Dying.

Pooches~

Order In Chaos~

Am I dreaming??

Nobody knows~

When she smiled~

What the...??

The haunting~

Yet another day.

This is for you, & you, & you, & me~ =)

Are you good enough??

Wash the day off me~

In the dark...

Wake up call~

What do you know for sure??

Look what I found?!?!

Ass luck~

Ignorance is bliss, no??

The List.

Bim - Stay In My Memory.

From the old pages~

But

LOL~

Pages.

Hold onto your pantiez~~

Dental-phobia~

When it all fallz apart~

By The End Of Today~

After 3 Weekz~

A Wish + One

On The Way...

On The Side Of Me~

Forgiveness.

problemz~

Alone~

TA-DAH~!!

insert witty tagline